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“Is Sian trying to get their attention??” [The Return of Superman/2019.01.06]


Just behave as you normally do, okay? Got it? Don’t try too hard, okay? Just act normal. What are we doing here? We’re here to get some consulting advice and see if you’re growing up well or not. This isn’t a hospital. Okay? There’s nothing to be scared of. Just behave as you will. Don’t try to be nice or anything. Just act normally, okay? (He tries to calm them the best he can.) Okay. The Return of Superman, episode 258. “End Versus And”. – Come in. / – Hello. Come on in. I’m finally here. Who is he meeting? It’s nice to meet you. (Oh Eunyoung, Developmental psychologist) Dr. Oh Eunyoung. I wanted to know – if they’re growing up well. / – Of course. That’s the most common question I receive. “How do I raise my child well?” They say, “I want to raise a happy child.” There are a lot of important factors. I believe that social development is most important for a child’s development. Assess how they get along with others. – We’ll be observing those points. / – Okay. (What is the trio’s natural disposition?) What are we doing today? Kids. They’re the same age and gender. – Okay. / – They’ve never met. We’ll be giving them the same instructions. I’ve brought a toy shark. We will take turns picking out a fish. We don’t know which fish will make it shut. We’ll choose the order and pick one each. I want to go first. (She quickly offers to go first.) – Be friendly. / – They know the rules. They’ve gotten a bit closer. Now we’ll observe how they act without supervision. The red one. Seola has leadership. I’m scared. I’m too scared to try. How come? This is too scary. Are you scared of sharks? Yes. I’m scared of sharks. You’re all scaredy-cats, aren’t you? I don’t want to do it. This is scary. Just pick one. I’ll hold the lips. Oh, my. – “Oh, my”? / – “Oh, my”? (As expected of Seola.) “Oh, my”. (Jimin chooses one thanks to Seola.) – I don’t want to do it. / – You don’t have to worry. – I don’t want to do it. / – I’ll hold it open. I don’t want to. (I’m still scared.) Okay. Listen up. – Don’t do it. / – You have to quietly get the cheese. This is how the game works. Let’s try it. I’ll be the cat. I want to be the cat. I want to be the cat too. – What should they do? / – I want to try first. – I said it first. / – They all want the same thing. (What should be done?) Let’s play rock-paper-scissors. – Rock-paper-scissors. / – Rock-paper-scissors. She even provides a solution. She’s smart. (Seola certainly has leadership.) They’re all hidden now. Seola is a leader among the three. She speaks well and expresses herself clearly. She’s smart and assesses the situation clearly. Meanwhile, how is Sua doing? This one too. (They’re playing very well.) (She just watches without saying a word.) It’s amazing how they grew up in the same house, and are even twins, but their preferences are so different. (She doesn’t get along even though she wants to.) You’re right. Let’s put it here. (Looking around) (She innocently chews on her nails.) Wait for me. (She suddenly gets up.) I don’t want to play. She’s socially inhibited. I actually a bit worried about Sua. She’s very different when she’s with Seola compared to when she’s not. She’s somewhat passive. I think Sua needs to learn how to express herself through words. When girls reach elementary school age, they tend to play verbally. She has to learn how to express herself quickly with something like, “It’s not that, it’s this.” – You must encourage her / – She must speak. to be more verbal. This time, it’s Sian’s turn. What kind of personality will he display? (This is awesome.) This is awesome. (Sian is playing excitedly too.) They’re getting along well without fighting despite being young. Shall we hide? Who will do this one? – This one. / – Let’s hide. It seems that he’s tired of playing with cars. (Sian begins hide-and-seek alone.) (His friends don’t pay him any attention.) Where did Sian go? He’s under there. (He’s underneath the table.) Is he waiting for someone to pay attention? His friends are smitten with the cars. (This is not enough.) – Is he trying to get their attention? / – It seems so. (They don’t give Sian any attention.) They’re totally uninterested. (Looking sad) If his sisters were there, they’d wonder where he is and play along. (I miss my sisters.) His friends aren’t reacting. It’s understandable if he gets cross. (He covers himself with a blanket.) (Three minutes pass by.) He was under the table for three minutes. I think his legs will start to go numb. (Why is no one coming?) He’s back out. He cleans after himself. (He tidies up the blanket.) He’s returning to his friends. They didn’t show any interest. He’s back with his friends. What is this? (Yoonho acts playful.) (Sian plays like nothing happened.) He’s more playful than before. He realized that they’re not going to look for him. He gave up quickly and got adjusted. Should I pay attention to him when he does that? – You shouldn’t. / – No? At home, he has Seola and Sua always looking after him. Kids need to feel a healthy level of frustration in order to develop. If you gratify what they want too quickly, they will lack effort. – Since they’re cared for? / – Yes. Kids must learn to adjust by offering good alternative suggestions. That would be good for Sian. (A mysterious plate is brought in.) I think it’s a different situation this time. She brought in something. Here you go. Sian. Open it when I leave the room, okay? She leaves after giving instructions. Yes, after explaining the situation. Let’s open it. – Is something inside? / – It’s empty. I don’t have anything. Are all three of them empty? (Sian opens his very carefully.) I have something. – He got something. / – Only Sian has something? There’s only one bread. We’ll see how they distribute it and take care of the situation in the absence of an adult. I have something. What’s in there? A sausage bread. How come I don’t have one? I want some. His friend has expressed that he wants some. Sausage bread is hard to share. (An entitled smile) What will happen? What should we do? (What should be done?) (Sian deliberates for a second.) Is he eating alone? Wow, he’s taking a huge bite. I thought Sian would suggest sharing it. (Sliding over) – I see. / – I see. He’s sharing after taking a bite. (Go ahead and take a bite.) Take a big bite like me. (Sian shares well.) Kids who grew up with siblings share better. – They know how to share. / – Right. I had a bite too. (Sian shares the bread fairly.) – Does he share well at home with his sisters? / – Yes. I buy them one and have them share it as they take turns. Sometimes, I’d eat the whole thing by myself. I see. (Gobbling) (Give me a bite.) (Donggook devoured Sian’s goodwill.) (Sad) So he took a bite first because he can’t trust people. (He was taught to share.) It seems so. (Donggook ate almost everything by himself.) (Upset) (Did I eat too much?) That’s hard to tolerate even as an adult. Despite only being a four-year-old who’s confronted with a single bread, he shared it with his friends. Sian learns from the things he went through. Who are you most curious about? Who should we start with? – I’m most concerned about Sua. / – I see, okay. When I met with Sua, she tends to nervously observe first. No matter the situation, she tends to be nervous at a new setting. – She bites her nails. / – That’s right. She’s in a state of nervousness. That’s definitely not a bad thing. She just needs some time to herself to observe a while and lower her guard. If she feels okay after observing, she’ll look around thoroughly and lower her guard a little by little. Tell her, “Tell me how you feel. I’ll wait.” I think that’s what she needs. – Sua… / – Yes? (He has another concern.) – Should I say gluttony? / – Yes? She tends to have a stronger appetite. I believe she eats very well given her sturdy physique. It’s to the point where we have to tell her, “Sua, it’s three meals a day.” “It’s not three meals in one sitting.” I’ve told her that before. – It’s much better to eat than not. / – Of course, – but it’s too much. / – She needs some time to adjust. That’s why she tends to miss the right timing a lot. She alleviates her discomfort by eating. – Is that so? / – That’s how it manifests. By continually eating, she steps down from her timid state. It helps settle her discomfort. Help her express how she feels. – And listen to her? / – That’s right. Taking that approach will help her be less timid. Sian is a four-year-old now. – He’s at that age. / – Yes. From my one-on-one with him, he seemed very independent. He wants to do everything by himself. He has a very strong personality. He has that aspect. – He carries his weight. / – It’s a good thing. He’s doing very well when we study him alone. But he has four sisters above him. There is nothing wrong with his ability. His sisters do better only because they’re older. It’s something kids with many siblings deal with. Children like him learn as they go. All they need to do is take the first step. Encouraging him will be beneficial. – It’s not really a point of concern. / – I see. However, I met alone with Seola first. I’m going to tell you something that you must understand in greater depth. For one, – He’s nervous. / – Seola tries very hard. (Is something wrong with Seola?) You have older sisters and younger siblings. There is also Sua, your twin. Are there times when you argue? – Yes. / – I see. How do you deal with those situations? I get angry. But I just stand there. Even though you’re mad? You just stood through it? – I see. / – I hold it in. That’s heartbreaking. It’s upsetting to hold it in so much. Yes, it’s very hard. – Oh, no. / – She’s so young, – but she’s saying that. / – She’s sighing. But you don’t have to hold it in. I have to because I’m a nice kid. If you say that you’re in a bad mood, does that mean you’re not a good kid? I don’t want them to say that I’m bad. What a twist. It’s something Seola says very often. She says she has to share, be nice, pretty and kind. She must act like an older sister. She recites it almost automatically. Being the bigger person and making promises. She’s the eldest among the three. We even call her a leader. She gives up a lot of things. Plainly speaking, she’s pressured to be the good girl. She’s conditioned to be that person. That’s the mask she has to maintain. (You’re the leader, Seola.) (You have to figure it out alone.) (No.) Oh, no. (Even when they dance together) (Even during minor arguments) (She must give things up just for being older.) She has to give up for her siblings. (Sad) She must behave as the elder sister. Erase that label from your vocabulary. Enforcing that from such a young age isn’t very good either. (That might actually be harmful.) Sure, they must learn to endure, but it’s also important to voice your own opinion. Allowing her to express herself will be good for her. (How do Donggook feel afterward?) I was a bit shocked. Since Seola yields to her siblings a lot, I thought she had a very giving personality. But this might cause her to give up on things she wants to do later. That thought made me sorry. It might not be easy at first, but I’ll be doing my best to follow the advice and be a better father. I must keep on trying and improve myself.

Glenn Chapman

100 Comments

  1. I could honestly sympathize with Seola. Being an older sister really means a lot to the point that you have to hold everything in ourselves and to intentionally lose on something for the sake of our younger siblings.

  2. Their dad always pits them against each other and always reminds Sua of her shortcomings. I have always thought this was damaging for her since I am her. Today I was in therapy discussing my inner child issues that are very identical to this. It makes you an adult who is super sensitive, paranoid and introverted. I am glad that he got to see it from another pov.

  3. I understand sua very much cuz you are little girl but need to act likes you are the big one. Which position you should stand actually?.

  4. “kids who grew up with siblings share better” definitely not bro i always find they hate it. i grew up alone but i don’t really mind sharing like i don’t even pay it any attention it just seems natural to ask someone if they want some of what i have

  5. dg really tries hard to be a good dad and with five kids that can be quite difficult. he’s not perfect but i think he’s very admirable

  6. I like watching the old ones seeing them grow up suprises me

    Edit: Sometimes I remember the times seola has hit her iblings because they fought for no reason it suprises me to remember that seola has grown from hitting someone to just standing there

  7. Soela’s part was very heartbreaking to me because I completely relate 100% I always think I’m the eldest I should let them do their thing and I’ll take care of them I have to meet the expectations of my parents of they’ll be disappointed a have to let my friends do their thing first and I’ll go last and I sometimes have to hold my tears in because I don’t I want to look weak and hold my anger in because i hav ego be the better person and sua is kind of like me too it’s hard for ,y to adjust with new people or people I don’t talk to a lot but I don’t eat the pat much lol

  8. I think I feel saddest for sua because unlike the other two she doesn't have a definitive role. Although her twin is the same age she's older so she gets the leader role and because of sian sua can't get the maknae role she's a middle child within a middle child probably why she's so submissive and her dad doesn't help.

  9. Waaaah imagine sian and seungjae leave the show at the same time 😭😭😭😭

  10. The return of superman is such an eye opener for a lot of parents on how to understand and react to their children….i grew up being favored by my parents for a lot of circumstances and my elder sister suffered a lot because of being the eldest. Our parents always said that she had to give up and prior us her sibling since shes the eldest and can already understand…i also experienced the same thing when i became an elder sister of two of my young siblings…..and watching this show teach me that its not a good thing to do cause it will give a lot of pressure….i will use the information i learned when i become a parent too…thanks to this show💜

  11. When im with my close friend im like seoula,and when im with new/strangers im like sua…and when im with my boyfriend im like sian… and when im with my family,i mix everything…😂this is such a nice episode..

  12. Sua is exactly like me, sorta shy but isn’t when it comes to close family and friends and has a HUGE appetite

  13. Did anyone notice that at 2:28 it said " Jimin picked a shark" or something?? Any ARMYS?

  14. sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian is the best baby ever !!!!! saranghaeyo lee sian daebak

  15. A bit sad for them being so young and filmed constantly. Obviously their daily lives are affected and possibly their developmental personalities. Wishing them the best.

  16. The girl infront of seola is named Jimin more BTS Jimin!!!!!😂

  17. I have one younger brother and 21 younger cousins, so people always expect me to behave, to be smart, to be great, etc etc. Now I can't speak without boasting my achievement and I easily get stomachache whenever I can't live up to my own expectation. This bad habit is internally eating me up.

  18. I was genuinely proud when Sian slid the sausage bread over after his bite

  19. Who ever read this, i beg to you for not saying that im just want to get an attention. But this is the truth me. Im just as same as seola, the one that when she get angry to someone but she just hold it into her heart by standing there. And when ever i want to put out all my feelings to someone (my friend) they just don't care and they said that I'm just need an attention. heartbroken

  20. i relate to you seola. im 14 and my brother is older than me but i have to be the mature one, and everyone looks up to me. i hold in alot for my age and think about adulthood, which i shouldnt be doing. im trying to figure it all out. FIGHTING <3. you have an amazing family.

  21. I'm more like Sua. I'm 21 years old but, i still feel nervous on new place. Always shy. Not talking to anyone. But, when i get along I'm very loud hahahaha

  22. "I get angry.. but I hold it in." "I should do it because Im a nice girl"

    damn.. its so sad that i cried.. I can totally relate Seola.. being the elder or the eldest is pretty tough. Adults tend to expect the older ones to give way to rhe younger ones.. its just sad. tbh, i cry in the comfort room or in my bedroom sometimes due to these kind of reasons too. i bet a lot can relate??

    whoever is reading this.. stay strong and have a good day 😊

  23. I relate to seola a lot. I know that feeling of having to hold everything in even if your not in the wrong. It’s actually really tiring to keep doing that because you’re just going to explode one day.

  24. I feel so much for my bby Sua. She’s the middle child and by her being introverted she gets overlooked by everyone. Who knows how she feels inside. They need to lift her up, build her confidence so she won’t end up feeling like the black sheep of the family. She is my favorite 💜

  25. Seolaaaa

    It really breaks my heart when she have to give way for her siblings 😢

  26. I feel for Sua, probably because Seola is more of the leader, she is more passive and quiet, I would say her good traits are that she’s very soft hearted and caring , but these are traits you will only know after really getting to know her, which is difficult because you would have to break past the ice wall she puts up from being so quiet

  27. The twins with pigtails that was with Seola en Sua they are cute but not look like korean or its just my eyes

  28. I can relate to Seola so much to the point that I immediately cried when I heard what the doctor had to say

  29. I think Sua is an introvert
    I hope she wont have low self esteem later

  30. But why i seem like the sum of the three siblings? I got no idea how to interact in different people in different situation? I always give up everything for my 2 younger siblings. I feel bad whenever I show my weakest side coz i thought I should only show the strong side of me. And sometimes I think Im greedy for reassuring myself things that people might take away from me. This is so sad in some perspectives

  31. O gosh am crying hard after listening soela. I wish she will be happy n the pain she was enduring turned out to be her happiness and charm. Soela hawtting❤

  32. hearing the comments about seola really just shattered my heart into pieces ): she's so small to be feeling that way and she's maturing way too fast. i hope that she expresses her feelings more often and that her father, mother and siblings will be there to help her with that ): i love you, seola!!

  33. Omg I cried… I always thought Seola was the "strongest" out of the three in terms of personality
    but I didn't know that she was holding so much back ;(

    I also feel bad for Sua, haven't watched the show in for 1 year or so but I have to say she looks "rounder" a bit (not trying to be rude).
    I can really relate to that ;(

    Daebak/Sian it was sad to see that they weren't interested in playing hide and seek but in the end it worked out.

    Oh man but Seola really made me cry

  34. I wish my parents were like this when I was a child. Now I’m very reserved, sad, and spend all my time in my room alone. At such a young age I felt alone and like my parents only loved my older siblings and i even heard my parents talking about how they barely spent time with me as a child because of their jobs. When I’m a parent I want to pay this close attention to my children

  35. I can see myself in Seola and I just want to comfort her and tell her how proud and sad i am for her because she dealt with that at such a young age. Because of this show, I want my parents – Dad – to join this show to let them know how I felt when I was younger until now.

    I LOVE YOU SEOLA! I'M ROOTING FOR YOU

  36. I feel so sorry for Seola. I even remember an episode where they were racing together, and she's halfway when she told herself that she refused to let her tears fall. And that episode where she argued with Sua, and Sua hit her first but Donggook scolded her because he didn’t know.

  37. I'm the eldest among my 5 siblings and I'm an introvert. So I can definitely relate to the twins

  38. I can relate to Seola. People put so much pressure to you because you’re the eldest. Sometimes it’s hard to express how you truly feel because you have to maintain that brave and giving personality. Sad..

  39. My sister is the eldest out of the three of us, and she's always had this problem when she was at school and now at work too, recently.

    She always kept in the things she hated most about her friends or coworkers, like how some of her friends say unkind words or bosses that give unfair treatment.

    But she always confided in me and the rest of the family about these things, although, I often ask her why she doesn't just tell people that some of the things they say or do bother her, and she always responds with something like "I don't want people to think I'm bad" ,

    I always tell her that it's not bad to tell people how you feel, but she never says anything after that…

    After all this time, I didn't think it would have related to the pressure of being the eldest that had caused her to think this way.

    (And now I know that being a middle child like Sua is the reason I'm also very shy.)

  40. It's so nice to see that their dad takes time to check on not only their physical health but also their psychological health as they grow. 😃

  41. When I was with my family and my bestfriends, I do things like Seola but since I'm living in big town away from them, I'm slowly becoming like Sua. Like always nervous and thinking, having more guard than ever to anybody in the office where I'm working and almost everywhere and it's so sad because people like me and Sua, we actually got things to talk or to discuss with but we hold it all to avoid any bad things that may be occured after that

  42. This episode is an eye-opener. First-born kids tend to be like Seola. It's great to know this advice from a professional.

  43. I don't like the fact that the title only mentions Sian when the most important here are Seola & Sua's case…

  44. I can relate sua cuz I'm also an introvert person.I need time to make a new friend in new environment cuz I can't express how I feel very well cuz I afraid of people will judge me.

  45. seola is way too relatable, i'm now 15 but being born as the eldest, i have to give up to the younger. being the eldest, "you're older, you should be a good example" "give it to your lil sis, she's younger than you" those words never left my ears, the pressure i felt until now still couldn't speak up. it is my responsibilities because i am the oldest. i am happy donggook pay attention to these and even go to a psychologist, my parents didn't and till now i live with the 'eldest child burden' fighting seola! unnie know how hard it can be not able to speak up because you're the oldest!

  46. seola and sua is a combination of me, i literally cried when i found out. Seola is older she need to keep her mask in order to be "that girl" while Sua don't want to let her guard down, she don't want to trust anyone because she feel like she's going to get betrayed in the near future.

  47. what's sad is that the only reason sua eats so much is because of her anxiety

  48. From what I've seen from Seola, she really seems to speak her mind very easily. If that's her holding back then I wonder what she'd be like not holding back 😂 On the other hand, Sua is so relatable 😢 these two twins are so adorable.

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