Just behave as you normally do, okay? Got it? Don’t try too hard, okay? Just act normal. What are we doing here? We’re here to get some consulting advice and see if you’re growing up well or not. This isn’t a hospital. Okay? There’s nothing to be scared of. Just behave as you will. Don’t try to be nice or anything. Just act normally, okay? (He tries to calm them the best he can.) Okay. The Return of Superman, episode 258. “End Versus And”. – Come in. / – Hello. Come on in. I’m finally here. Who is he meeting? It’s nice to meet you. (Oh Eunyoung, Developmental psychologist) Dr. Oh Eunyoung. I wanted to know – if they’re growing up well. / – Of course. That’s the most common question I receive. “How do I raise my child well?” They say, “I want to raise a happy child.” There are a lot of important factors. I believe that social development is most important for a child’s development. Assess how they get along with others. – We’ll be observing those points. / – Okay. (What is the trio’s natural disposition?) What are we doing today? Kids. They’re the same age and gender. – Okay. / – They’ve never met. We’ll be giving them the same instructions. I’ve brought a toy shark. We will take turns picking out a fish. We don’t know which fish will make it shut. We’ll choose the order and pick one each. I want to go first. (She quickly offers to go first.) – Be friendly. / – They know the rules. They’ve gotten a bit closer. Now we’ll observe how they act without supervision. The red one. Seola has leadership. I’m scared. I’m too scared to try. How come? This is too scary. Are you scared of sharks? Yes. I’m scared of sharks. You’re all scaredy-cats, aren’t you? I don’t want to do it. This is scary. Just pick one. I’ll hold the lips. Oh, my. – “Oh, my”? / – “Oh, my”? (As expected of Seola.) “Oh, my”. (Jimin chooses one thanks to Seola.) – I don’t want to do it. / – You don’t have to worry. – I don’t want to do it. / – I’ll hold it open. I don’t want to. (I’m still scared.) Okay. Listen up. – Don’t do it. / – You have to quietly get the cheese. This is how the game works. Let’s try it. I’ll be the cat. I want to be the cat. I want to be the cat too. – What should they do? / – I want to try first. – I said it first. / – They all want the same thing. (What should be done?) Let’s play rock-paper-scissors. – Rock-paper-scissors. / – Rock-paper-scissors. She even provides a solution. She’s smart. (Seola certainly has leadership.) They’re all hidden now. Seola is a leader among the three. She speaks well and expresses herself clearly. She’s smart and assesses the situation clearly. Meanwhile, how is Sua doing? This one too. (They’re playing very well.) (She just watches without saying a word.) It’s amazing how they grew up in the same house, and are even twins, but their preferences are so different. (She doesn’t get along even though she wants to.) You’re right. Let’s put it here. (Looking around) (She innocently chews on her nails.) Wait for me. (She suddenly gets up.) I don’t want to play. She’s socially inhibited. I actually a bit worried about Sua. She’s very different when she’s with Seola compared to when she’s not. She’s somewhat passive. I think Sua needs to learn how to express herself through words. When girls reach elementary school age, they tend to play verbally. She has to learn how to express herself quickly with something like, “It’s not that, it’s this.” – You must encourage her / – She must speak. to be more verbal. This time, it’s Sian’s turn. What kind of personality will he display? (This is awesome.) This is awesome. (Sian is playing excitedly too.) They’re getting along well without fighting despite being young. Shall we hide? Who will do this one? – This one. / – Let’s hide. It seems that he’s tired of playing with cars. (Sian begins hide-and-seek alone.) (His friends don’t pay him any attention.) Where did Sian go? He’s under there. (He’s underneath the table.) Is he waiting for someone to pay attention? His friends are smitten with the cars. (This is not enough.) – Is he trying to get their attention? / – It seems so. (They don’t give Sian any attention.) They’re totally uninterested. (Looking sad) If his sisters were there, they’d wonder where he is and play along. (I miss my sisters.) His friends aren’t reacting. It’s understandable if he gets cross. (He covers himself with a blanket.) (Three minutes pass by.) He was under the table for three minutes. I think his legs will start to go numb. (Why is no one coming?) He’s back out. He cleans after himself. (He tidies up the blanket.) He’s returning to his friends. They didn’t show any interest. He’s back with his friends. What is this? (Yoonho acts playful.) (Sian plays like nothing happened.) He’s more playful than before. He realized that they’re not going to look for him. He gave up quickly and got adjusted. Should I pay attention to him when he does that? – You shouldn’t. / – No? At home, he has Seola and Sua always looking after him. Kids need to feel a healthy level of frustration in order to develop. If you gratify what they want too quickly, they will lack effort. – Since they’re cared for? / – Yes. Kids must learn to adjust by offering good alternative suggestions. That would be good for Sian. (A mysterious plate is brought in.) I think it’s a different situation this time. She brought in something. Here you go. Sian. Open it when I leave the room, okay? She leaves after giving instructions. Yes, after explaining the situation. Let’s open it. – Is something inside? / – It’s empty. I don’t have anything. Are all three of them empty? (Sian opens his very carefully.) I have something. – He got something. / – Only Sian has something? There’s only one bread. We’ll see how they distribute it and take care of the situation in the absence of an adult. I have something. What’s in there? A sausage bread. How come I don’t have one? I want some. His friend has expressed that he wants some. Sausage bread is hard to share. (An entitled smile) What will happen? What should we do? (What should be done?) (Sian deliberates for a second.) Is he eating alone? Wow, he’s taking a huge bite. I thought Sian would suggest sharing it. (Sliding over) – I see. / – I see. He’s sharing after taking a bite. (Go ahead and take a bite.) Take a big bite like me. (Sian shares well.) Kids who grew up with siblings share better. – They know how to share. / – Right. I had a bite too. (Sian shares the bread fairly.) – Does he share well at home with his sisters? / – Yes. I buy them one and have them share it as they take turns. Sometimes, I’d eat the whole thing by myself. I see. (Gobbling) (Give me a bite.) (Donggook devoured Sian’s goodwill.) (Sad) So he took a bite first because he can’t trust people. (He was taught to share.) It seems so. (Donggook ate almost everything by himself.) (Upset) (Did I eat too much?) That’s hard to tolerate even as an adult. Despite only being a four-year-old who’s confronted with a single bread, he shared it with his friends. Sian learns from the things he went through. Who are you most curious about? Who should we start with? – I’m most concerned about Sua. / – I see, okay. When I met with Sua, she tends to nervously observe first. No matter the situation, she tends to be nervous at a new setting. – She bites her nails. / – That’s right. She’s in a state of nervousness. That’s definitely not a bad thing. She just needs some time to herself to observe a while and lower her guard. If she feels okay after observing, she’ll look around thoroughly and lower her guard a little by little. Tell her, “Tell me how you feel. I’ll wait.” I think that’s what she needs. – Sua… / – Yes? (He has another concern.) – Should I say gluttony? / – Yes? She tends to have a stronger appetite. I believe she eats very well given her sturdy physique. It’s to the point where we have to tell her, “Sua, it’s three meals a day.” “It’s not three meals in one sitting.” I’ve told her that before. – It’s much better to eat than not. / – Of course, – but it’s too much. / – She needs some time to adjust. That’s why she tends to miss the right timing a lot. She alleviates her discomfort by eating. – Is that so? / – That’s how it manifests. By continually eating, she steps down from her timid state. It helps settle her discomfort. Help her express how she feels. – And listen to her? / – That’s right. Taking that approach will help her be less timid. Sian is a four-year-old now. – He’s at that age. / – Yes. From my one-on-one with him, he seemed very independent. He wants to do everything by himself. He has a very strong personality. He has that aspect. – He carries his weight. / – It’s a good thing. He’s doing very well when we study him alone. But he has four sisters above him. There is nothing wrong with his ability. His sisters do better only because they’re older. It’s something kids with many siblings deal with. Children like him learn as they go. All they need to do is take the first step. Encouraging him will be beneficial. – It’s not really a point of concern. / – I see. However, I met alone with Seola first. I’m going to tell you something that you must understand in greater depth. For one, – He’s nervous. / – Seola tries very hard. (Is something wrong with Seola?) You have older sisters and younger siblings. There is also Sua, your twin. Are there times when you argue? – Yes. / – I see. How do you deal with those situations? I get angry. But I just stand there. Even though you’re mad? You just stood through it? – I see. / – I hold it in. That’s heartbreaking. It’s upsetting to hold it in so much. Yes, it’s very hard. – Oh, no. / – She’s so young, – but she’s saying that. / – She’s sighing. But you don’t have to hold it in. I have to because I’m a nice kid. If you say that you’re in a bad mood, does that mean you’re not a good kid? I don’t want them to say that I’m bad. What a twist. It’s something Seola says very often. She says she has to share, be nice, pretty and kind. She must act like an older sister. She recites it almost automatically. Being the bigger person and making promises. She’s the eldest among the three. We even call her a leader. She gives up a lot of things. Plainly speaking, she’s pressured to be the good girl. She’s conditioned to be that person. That’s the mask she has to maintain. (You’re the leader, Seola.) (You have to figure it out alone.) (No.) Oh, no. (Even when they dance together) (Even during minor arguments) (She must give things up just for being older.) She has to give up for her siblings. (Sad) She must behave as the elder sister. Erase that label from your vocabulary. Enforcing that from such a young age isn’t very good either. (That might actually be harmful.) Sure, they must learn to endure, but it’s also important to voice your own opinion. Allowing her to express herself will be good for her. (How do Donggook feel afterward?) I was a bit shocked. Since Seola yields to her siblings a lot, I thought she had a very giving personality. But this might cause her to give up on things she wants to do later. That thought made me sorry. It might not be easy at first, but I’ll be doing my best to follow the advice and be a better father. I must keep on trying and improve myself.